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I have kept two journal entries from that time – when i started medication to help me climb up out of the dark hole and stop wading in the dark water. Both entries say things so much better than I could write them myself now – 10 years later. These were written by the person I was then – caught in the grip of the postpartum depression.

Put another way, a smoking-related death occurs somewhere in the world, every 8 seconds, 365 days a year. The sooner we remove the blinders and look carefully at nicotine addiction and the damage it causes, the sooner we can begin pull away from its lies.

Please read Michael Crichton’s latest novel, Next. What’s next indeed? One of the target characters is a little “monkey-boy” developed in a laboratory of the national Institutes of Health (NIH) as part of an experiment to combine elements of an ape and a human to develop a hybrid embryo that develops and grows up in a laboratory. The chimp/boy is eventually adopted and raised as his own son by the conscience stricken scientist who performed the experiment . The NIH is a real agency of the us Department of health and human services. Yes, I know. Crichton writes fiction and it’s only a story. But is it?

Every time my children cried, I reacted with tears and anger and a feeling of self-loathing. I didn’t want to hear them cry. I didn’t want to deal with the responsibility. I felt like a failure as a wife, a mom, and a person.